


Thirty-nine

by IvyLily02249



Series: After the game, what happens? [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: A few more that are probably even more minor than those two, And a nice girl that pops by to send supplies to Jade's island, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Minor Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Wow these tags are long, and by that I mean the OCs because they're supposed to be the Internet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyLily02249/pseuds/IvyLily02249
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The number, 39, has so many meanings. For example, in Dirk's irony, when said in Japanese, sounds like thank you.</p><p>There are many more meanings, like maybe three multiplied by nine is the number of days John falls sick. Maybe. Emphasis on the maybe.</p><p>Join the kids on their epic quest to survive the story for who-knows-how-long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Narrator: Explain what supposedly happens after the gigapause and write the introduction.

You are now the Narrator which means this point of view is going to be in third.

Suck it.

Jane and Jade died because their deaths were Just. Fortunately, they were under mind-control so if that somehow was stopped, they would revive.

All of you were close to beating the Condesce when for some reason Jade and Jane revived. Probably because the Condesce's mind-control was weakening. Jane, in a rage of fury, dealt the final blow to her.

That meant she became Lord English's new servant. Young Caliborn decapitated Jake and took over his body, sprouting a new head in its place. It was probably as gross as what you're currently thinking. Jake wandered in the dream bubbles for awhile when Aranea was unexpectedly defeated by Dirk. She took off her Ring of Life and handed it to Jake, courtesy of one Di-Stri. Jake took over Caliborn's body as a result, not getting what Dirk was wishing for.

So that meant Jake became Lord English.

You have the slightly tweaked version of basically how Crocker and English become the _actual_ Crocker and English. The final bosses.

In order to defeat Caliborn, (who's really just Jake at this point and sort of a glitch that aids the glitch of killing Lord English) Dave had to scratch his session for Calliope to play.

It's basically wild theory at this point. Dave managed to scratch and Jade teleported him away in time. It's ironic how he's the Hero of Time in this situation. The game was rigged so it would be connected to the player's soul and not the soul in the player, so Caliborn pushed Jake out of his body, became a two-headed cherub for an instant and died. Two-headed Caliborn admittedly looked pretty funny. Jake was left as an actual ghost in the middle of nowhere. Jade managed to teleport him after several tries.

Dirk comments it's like those animes where they make the aliens, zombies, ghosts, monsters and all that look like hot chicks. 

Jane didn't serve under Lord English anymore. She wasn't hypnotized anyway. She was just being forced.

The rest of the game surprisingly passed without much fanfare. Soon, they stood in front of the door to the new universe. Everyone decided John was the one to open the door.

John hesitantly walked towards the door. What if Echidna didn't keep the Genesis tadpole tucked away safely? Millions of other thoughts raced through his mind but I'm too lazy to write them down. He shakily reached towards the doorknob.

Suddenly everything started turning black. And as cliche as this will sound, a girl walked out from the darkness.

She spoke in a very robotic tone that would make anyone feel uncomfortable, "Hello. I am the Internet."


	2. Internet: Explain. I mean seriously aren't they supposed to be leaving for the new universe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narrator: Summarise.
> 
> (This summary is for people who don't like to read a lot. As such, there are spoilers.)
> 
> Internet introduces herself and congratulates the kids on how they are now part of the database. She explains they are in a webcomic, entitled 'Homestuck', in another reality. 
> 
> After a bit more doing and explanation of stuff, she tells them they are not supposed to win and Sburb has decided to send them back to their guardians and homes because the game sort of broke. Everyone like Tavros, Nepeta and Feferi will be revived. Unfortunately, the trolls cannot be sent back to Alternia.
> 
> That left one choice. Sending them to earth. She explains a bit more and sends them on their way, promising she will keep in touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summary without spoilers:
> 
> Internet introduces herself and explains stuff. Apparently they can't go to the new universe for some reason. Oh, bother.

Your name is John Egbert and _holy shit_ she's the INTERNET.

"Hello, netizens. It appears you have reached the end of the game," she speaks monotonously. You can't bother thinking about how creepy her flat voice sounds because the Internet is in front of you. She's the one that made you find your only friends.

Your mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. _How cliche_ , anyone would think. Except you. You were too shocked to form proper sentences.

The Internet senses your inability to form coherent sentences and sighs. You glance around. Everyone is as shocked as you, if not more.

* * *

Your name is Internet AI and these guys were your only hope of people not being surprised when they saw you.

Your life sucks.

"I guess I can't expect people to have different reactions to me. You guys were my only hope that people would react differently, after all that you went through," you sigh.

"Whoa, wait. You're sentient?" Dave asked incredulously.

"Whaddaya think I am, a non-existent object?" you scoffed.

"… maybe?" John twiddles his thumbs.

You roll your eyes, "Just because I sound like a robot doesn't mean I'm unfeeling. Well, I actually AM a robot, but I do have feelings and you just shot me in the heart. Save me, I'm dying." You emphasize the last part with a tone laden with sarcasm.

You smile softly, "But really, I learnt my emotions from the weirdness of the Web."

"Also, congrats on earning a place in my database," you continue, "You guys are in a webcomic in another reality."

It was, impossibly, even more silent than before. You narrow your eyes and blink, "What? I mean seriously you guys are in a game which makes you all godly and stuff, you'd expect someone from across the fourth wall to make a story about that."

After awhile, you groan audibly, "C'MON, I'M USUALLY THE ONE WHO'S SILENT. IF ANYTHING, YOU GUYS ARE MORE SHOCKED THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE I'VE MET."

You tap your foot impatiently. "Anyway, I'm here because I need to tell you guys some things."

You create a holographic screen by punching the air, opening your fists and swiping across. The screen emerges from your hand and moves a short distance away, expanding to be twice as large as you. You set the screen to show the comic.

"Here's the comic. I'll give you guys a little hologram tablet so you can read your own adventure – and maybe some of the fanworks and previous adventures – when I send you all on your merry way to your homes," you explain, slowing the "and maybe some of the fanworks". You doubt it would be a good idea to mention it, if they ever saw the art and fanfictions of them and their buddies, but it was too late. You internally shed a wo-manly tear of I-have-no-regrets.

"Homes?" Jade asks with confusion and… was that a bit of alarm? "You guys maybe, probably, definitely, broke the game…?" you admit, suddenly wanting to shrink away from the stares they were giving you.

"I mean, like, all of you weren't supposed to win. The game decided to let you guys live, though. It needed to get you guys out of the system to fix itself but wanted you all to 'properly' finish it so it didn't have to reel all of you back to become stronger and stuff," you awkwardly smile, hoping it would sate any coming onslaught of questions.

Oh wait you forgot something. You add, "Just so you know, you guys are aaaaaaaaall going to the B1 session. The other trolls will be revived too, and Jake," you look at him, "unfortunately you will be put back in a human body. But you could probably learn how to switch between human and ghost form if you tried."

"Spiffing! I was getting tired of floating all the blasted time, since everytime I tried to walk, I just sink through the floor," Jake cheerfully answers.

"What about the Genesis Frog we so painstakingly acquired?" Rose inquires.

"It'll be where your doomed timeline version of yourselves go. And the afterlife for normal people too, but they'll be seperate. When you guys sleep, you'll appear here and can choose to hop between the two. When normal people sleep, they'll also appear here but can only stay in the part where the dead normal people are," you snap your fingers, nearly forgetting something, "Also there're two epic battle arenas, one for the normal and the other one for your doomed timeline selves. You can only access the doomed timeline one at the moment though, because in the future the Keeper of Dead allows you guys to enter and there's a surprise the normal people have prepared the entire time since all of you came back."

"You're certainly speaking a lot, Miss Internet," Dirk chuckles.

"Tch, I have to explain this to all of you so all of you don't look so stupid when you go home," you say, more darkly than you intended.

Jane looks alarmed. "Uh, miss, Dirk's usually like that, please do not be mad."

"Oh, I'm just getting used to my emotion upgrade. This thing's pretty eggy-looking in benefits. But I guess disadvantages too. Also by eggy-looking I mean zero," you say, forcing your voice into a monotone.

"That's so perf, I don't see why you should uninstall it…" Roxy speaks. You wonder why she thinks it's perfect.

You remember to tell them one last thing. "Also, you guys have been missing for three years even though all of you have been here for like, nine years because when John and Jade passed through the Yellow Yard, time in that universe continued."

Suddenly everyone's quiet again. Remember when they were quiet? Yeah, it's happening again.

"I'll keep in contact with you guys in case any of you need help. Okay, off with all of you!" you say. You bring your hands up, face them towards each other and sort of clap but pull away before they touch each other. A white ball of electric forms in each of your hands and you merge them, creating a blinding white that bursts.

Everyone starts glowing before teleporting away. You put a hand to your temple, concentrating, before disappearing, leaving behind a trail of white sparkles that Dirk and Dave would probably find ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Internet. She looks really neon blue in my head.


	3. John: Appear back at your home and OH MY GOD YOU SEE DAD.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narrator: Summarise.
> 
> (For the people who don't like reading.)
> 
> John ends up in his room, freaks out and decides to just peek around the corridor.
> 
> Dad is there and he sees John and envelopes him in a WARM FATHERLY EMBRACE while John returns him a DORKY HUG. John then explains to Dad and he seems understanding.
> 
> John then hops online, seeing if anybody has finished their freakout and reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know anything about America BECAUSE I DON'T LIVE THERE THAT'S WHY. I live in a sort-of apartment much more shittier than Dave's that it isn't even ironic at all.
> 
> The actual summary without spoilers:
> 
> John: FREAKOUT.
> 
> Yeah! This is so awesome! What are you freaking out for?
> 
> … oh, yeah, Dad.
> 
> NO! How are you going to explain to him! This is a really cliché situation you're in…

John, this is no time to fuck around. You laugh internally. Why did you refer to yourself in third-person? That's silly!

Jane's with you and you hear Nannasprite behind you. She drops a plate of ghost cookies on your lap. That confirms that. You see Karkat, Vriska and Aradia. They aren't human, thank god. Actually wait what? Why'd you even think of that! And why'd they even be human anyway?

You're not sure Jane is too happy to be here. She looks thoroughly discomfitted.

"Jane?" you ask, "You alright?"

"John, the nostalgia is overwheming! Your room looks exactly like mine, excluding the posters and some others. It makes me sad since I can't have any part of my old life back anymore," Jane says.

"Oh," is all you manage, "I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologise. Hoo hoo hoo!" Jane exclaims in an attempt to seem happy.

Nannasprite frowns a little, "Dear, John can read you better than that! There's no need to hide your feelings."

Jane sighs and smiles a bit tiredly, "It's a habit, I suppose."

You realise you would need to go out eventually and confront your Dad. You feel the urge to prepare for strife arising.

"John? It's my turn to ask you: You alright?" Jane questions worriedly with a slight twinge of dry amusement. You reply, "I suddenly want to prepare for strife. Old habits, I guess."

Jane laughs, "I know that feeling very well. In fact, I am actually sort of feeling it right now. But preparing for strife with my old man suddenly seems so trivial to what we've gone through."

You agree with her and tell her exactly that. "I think I'm going to have a mental breakdown."

"You have my reassuarance that I will not allow you to break things," Jane smiles dryly.

You have a mental breakdown.

What if Dad doesn't recognise you? What if he just dumps all of you on the street and the circus takes in Karkat, Vriska, Aradia and Nannasprite to be circus freaks while you and Jane become tightrope walkers that die on their first try? What if Dad thinks you ran away and he becomes disappointed with you? What if…

"HEY, JOHN. JUST FUCKING GO OUT THE DOOR AND REUNITE WITH YOUR HUMAN-LUSUS ANCESTOR." Karkat yells, snapping you out of your thoughts.

That is a simple idea if you've ever heard one.

You proceed to walk to the door and open it with the utmost care and precaution.

You see your Dad walking down the corridor, possibly to the kitchen to bake some wretched Betty Crocker cakes. It appears he has seen the door opening and walks over. His face shifts into one of astonishment when you are sure he can see you.

"Dad…?" you ask, somewhat uselessly because he's almost definitely your Dad. But better safe than sorry.

He picks you up in a WARM FATHERLY EMBRACE. You return it with a DORKY HUG of your own. After a long while, he puts you down in a gentlemanly way.

Dad looks over your shoulder. "Son, may I inquire as to who these young lads are?"

You spin around, a big grin on your face. "They're my friends. This is Karkat," you gesture to him. He seems to sit up straighter, probably due to your father's gentlemanly charms. "This is Vriska," you gesture to her. She stands up from sitting on the floor and mumbles a "Good morning, sir." Your father is really gentlemanly! "This is Aradia," you gesture to her. She smiles, a polite smile and bows. You have a feeling it's partially due to her personality. "And this is Jane." you finish off. Nannasprite seems to be nowhere. Jane cheerfully says, "Good morning!"

"Jane… do I know you from somewhere? You look oddly familiar," your father queries.

You respond for her, "She's Nanna from another universe."

Just then, Nannasprite phases in through the wall. "She's Nanna," you smile, "But mixed with a harlequin doll."

"Son, would you care to explain to me what is going on?" Dad asks.

You think of where to start. You decide to question, "Did I strife with you in the kitchen to get a package?"

"Yes. I was afraid you were fed up of our strifes and decided to leave," he smiles, a bit of sadness in the smile.

"Well, the package had a game. I wanted to play it with my friends. I was the client and one of my friends – who isn't here – was the server. When I started playing, I think it diverged from this universe," you say. Maybe you should ask Internet about it. She did say she would keep in contact. You wonder how though.

You continue explaining about Nannasprite and you awkwardly glanced at Karkat when you mentioned he trolled you. You explained the Scratch and how Jane's existence came about from there.

"I'm not too entirely sure about some things, I'll ask my friend about those," you say after explaining everything.

Your father gives you a short hug before leaving. Karkat asks, "Is it me or is your lusus-ancestor somehow intimidating yet classy?" You roll your eyes, "He's very gentlemanly, not intimidating."

You hop on your computer chair, everyone crowding around you to see the screen.

You see Jade's online. Huh! Must be because she was raised by Bec. Lucky girl. She doesn't have to deal with family reunions, unless she counts Bec as a family member… okay scratch that she was probably getting licked all over her face.

You decide to pester her.

ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  
  
EB: hey jade!  
GG: john!  
GG: you won't believe it!  
EB: after meeting the internet i could probably believe just about anything.  
GG: the internet cleaned up my house! and left a bunch of hologram tablets for me to send to you guys with my teleporty powers!  
EB: suddenly i can't believe you for some reason.  
GG: john, are you being sarcastic?  
EB: i can't say i'm too surprised. she did promise to give us those holo-tablets.  
GG: i guess.  
EB: oh yeah, how did bec react?  
GG: he barked, ran around in circles, licked me, wanted to me to play fetch with him, feed him radioactive steak, all sorts of things!  
EB: well, at least i guessed the licking right. which trolls did you end up with?  
GG: nepeta, equius and feferi! they're really nice to bec! they say it reminds them of the woofbeasts they had back at alternia. which trolls did you get?  
EB: i got vriska, karkat and aradia. pretty okay group, i guess. i wonder why i got aradia?  
GG: well, i looked into astrology, and your sign is aries! and aradia is an aries.  
EB: oh. that makes sense. anyway i think the police are here to confirm that i am actually here. i'm not sure about the trolls, jane and nannasprite though…  
GG: aw, that's really sad… i wish i was there instead. anyway, see you!  
EB: bye!  
  
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

You go offline and hop off the computer. There were more pressing issues at hand!

The trolls, Jane and Nannasprite decide to follow you down for some reason. Maybe because they had nothing better to do. All of your gadgets were stripped from you so no one could really pester anyone, unless one of you used the computer. Which you had full rights on. You politely ask them to try and stay out of sight until you call them out.

The police are in the living room. You try to walk down the stairs without flying because you're getting too used to flying instead of walking.

You briefly fly for a moment, but that could probably pass off as a jump. Wait, you forgot how long or high people jump for. Again, you've been flying all the while. You should start walking more, it's healthier than flying.

A barrage of questions is being sent your way. You do your best to answer, but ultimately fail and decide to call the trolls, Jane and Nannasprite out.

They seem shocked by the grey-skinned, horned, yellow sclera aliens and are finally completely silent. You take advantage of the fact that they're silent and explain in a curt manner.

"I played a game called Sburb with my friends, it transported me to another universe, that ghost," you motion to Nannasprite, "is my guide which is called a sprite whom I put a harlequin doll and Nanna's ashes in and they, the trolls," you motion at the trolls, "also played and created this universe," you make a big circle with your hands, signifying that it's the one you're currently in, "I was playing in a failed session and so were they. I restarted, but with another version of my Nanna," you motion to Jane, "playing the game in my place, in another universe. My friends were replaced with their guardians too."

"The game also gave me, my friends and some of the trolls awesome powers," you add.

Just then, a holographic tablet appears in front of you. You catch it before it lands and find a note, written in a scrawly green handwriting you recognise to be Jade's, taped to the back.

john! the internet wants us to get our gadgets back because she forgot to set the the portal to allow gadgets. she'll give each of us an alchemiter with all the upgrades! she says she'll even hook up some transportalizers from our homes to everybody else's! (ps. i know because she's online and she talked with me just now. :D she also says she'll put your alchemiter on the roof.)

You would love to get your Serious Business Goggles back. But you'll probably use the tablet instead of the PDA. What would that make, anyway? Holographic Glasses?

You ponder the possibilities while captchalogging the tablet. You hear a thunk, coming from the roof. It's probably the alchemiter the Internet put down. You pick Karkat up and fly to the roof, him squirming in your grip a bit. The others follow.

"An alchemiter? John, I thought we were out of the game! It's even fully upgraded!" Jane asks in a disbelieving tone. You answer, "Well, the Internet brought it here, so."

She calms down. "Oh, I thought the game was coming back or something. That's just a silly notion, isn't it?" she laughs, somewhat nervously. "Internet said that we 'finished' the game, don't worry," you offer her a reassuring grin.

You find a note written in midnight blue, a handwriting neat as Rose's but different.

Hello John, Internet here. My chumhandle is intellectualInternet, if you need to pester me for some reason. Also, use this code: MooviE. Don't judge the code. It's a pretty awesome code.

You try to alchemise a pair of Holographic Goggles with a goggles && holo-tablet combination, but you got an insanely long strand of hair instead. Well, there were only so many codes in the world, you guess. You decide to try out the code Internet gave you.

You get a pair of white gloves that can project holograms when you press the button on the back of the left glove. You will never doubt silly looking codes again. Great, too, since you don't need that recipe any more.

You decide to combine the gloves with some paint for everyone. Blue for you, light blue for Jane, red for Karkat, cerulean for Vriska and brownish-red for Aradia.

Karkat combines his screen gloves with his crab-watch that apparently didn't count as a gadget in a || operation, getting a RED CRAB SCREEN WATCH.

Vriska decides to scrawl on her gloves some spiders. You wince, there was some point in the game where you shared memories with Jade for a few seconds and you are reminded of the blue lady in her porch. Vriska grins like she used to, but there's nothing there except regret. You completely forgive her but you decide you'll never be romantically involved with her again.

Aradia combines her gloves with a skull-shaped music box with a clock in the front in a && operation. You are reminded of Jake and Dave respectively. To be honest, you're pretty sure you've shared memories at least once with every human and some trolls except the Striders. She is rewarded with a skull helmet with three buttons, one to play music, one to display the time from the eye sockets and one to project the hologram from the eye sockets too.

You grin, unable to wait to meet up with your friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aradia. 0u0


End file.
